A reflection on the first 9 months...

The 9 months of pregnancy are long and hard, but goes by quicker than you may believe.

The first trimester  During the first three months, guys may or may not even know what is going on. Women have signs that their bodies are changing, and they have women's intuition. Guys, being more obtuse, are unlikely to think anything is out of the ordinary, until they start seeing their lady getting more obtuse in the midsection. So unless the mom-to-be knocks him over the head and tells him straight out, he will be pretty clueless.

  Mars and I had discussed having a child, when we would do it, and things like that. I will have to admit, I was more along for the long arduous task of conceiving the child, than actually having one. I had heard from many people that it would take a long time to conceive, it would hard work, not to expect overnight success, give it time, don't have high expectations, enjoy it, etc. Due to this, my mindset was that of "this is going to be a while", but go ahead and have some fun. Well, the fun ended all too soon, and we conceived immediately. It happened so fast, we neglected to fully plan out financial and insurance aspects of having a child (although a setback, definitely not a deal-breaker).

The second trimester
  The next few months move along at a regular pace, but time may seem shorter because there's suddenly a list of lists to do. To-do lists for the house, to-do lists for insurance/LOA (leave of absence)/PTO (paid time off)/FMLA (family medical leave of absence), parenting books to read, baby items to buy, etc.

  For the house, we had to paint the room, setup the crib/bassinet, changing table, diaper organizer (IKEA bookcase), baby clothes, baby registry, and make space for baby things. This meant clearing out closets, clearing out storage bins, looking for things to baby-proof. While this was going on, we had doctor visits to the OB every two weeks which I unfortunately could not always make due to work. The one that I made sure I scheduled in was our 3D ultrasound. At this point, we were still less than 20 weeks along and did not know the sex of our baby. But a week or so prior to the ultrasound I had a very vivid dream one night that stuck with me. In the dream we were at some park or fair/festival/party, and I was holding this little girl's hand walking on the grass. She was wearing a denim jacket and jeans, maybe three years old. Her hair was shorter than shoulder length, berets holding it out of her face. She looked like me, but was much more tan. When I woke up, I was very excited to tell Mars, but I could tell she didn't believe me.

At this point, the ultrasound had informed we were having a girl! Time to do more shopping and tailor the registry for a girl. Mars was very happy and excited! I guess all mothers want a little daughter to pass their wisdom onto. Myself, I started shopping for a shotgun. Towards the end of the second trimester, Mars got busy transitioning her workload to her team. I was still bogged down with my crazy workload. And now the priority was our child. Regardless of all this, we had to remind ourselves to take a moment and step back. Remind ourselves of our life changing decisions and enjoy it. This is a perfect time to have a "baby-moon". Our baby-moon took us out of town for a weekend getaway. Initially our plan was to stay in San Luis Obispo or Pismo Beach, but our planning was last minute and we ended up in Paso Robles, which ended up being very nice. Paso Robles has become a more refined town with a plethora of local wineries doing very well. And where there are nice wineries, there is always good food :) Our hands down favorite brunch place became Panolivo, I highly suggest this location if driving through Paso Robles. Since it is a restaurant/catering/bakery, all baked goods are constantly fresh. We got to sample some deliciously smelling freshly baked rolls, just because we smelled them while walking through the restaurant. For our order, Mars had the Brioche French Toast, which retained a creamy custardy-ness at the center of thick cut brioche slices, while I had Breakfast Sandwich with the roasted potatoes. I mention the potatoes, because although everything was delicious, these were standouts. The potatoes are oven-roasted first with olive oil, salt, and pepper. After cooling, they are pan-fried with rosemary to order.

The third trimester
  The final trimester is almost like a cram session. Everything we put off until then, suddenly required immediate attention. There was a definite sense of urgency, as the baby could decide to come at any time after week 36. So time now is short and precious. Doctor visits become weekly, birthing classes take time, hospital registration, etc.
  The lists started getting ridiculous and overwhelming, so we started deciding on what was really a necessity and what was a nice-to-have item. Examples are now seemingly trivial things like... perhaps finalizing official documents by changing one's maiden name to the husband's last name, stroller decisions, baby-food machines and such. During this time, Mars was already on leave and everyday doing tons of stuff around the house to be ready. Everyday, I needed to knock something out to make forward progression as well. This was for my own sense of contribution, and also in part so that Mars would feel like I was involved and helping. It doesn't sound like much, but since this is a real pressure point and mom-to-be needs to feel like she is not alone. She needs to not only be told that she will be supported (important), but also shown that the she will be supported (very very important!). Let's not forget by this time, she was swollen. She wass carrying an additional 30+ lbs of baby and water weight. Her joints began hurting, her toes/in-step/ankles bloated like a Cabbage Patch Doll, her calves cramp, sleeping, walking, standing, sitting, bending, literally everything became painful. I've known pain like that, having debilitating back injuries from over-exertion and stupidity before in the past. Picture feeling that physical pain, and then coming to a realization that there will not be anyone to help. No ones coming. That dark loneliness... just the potential of that is enough to cause mental stress and anxiety. If I could prevent that by massaging her feet, well bring on the lotion! It's doing all the little little things that help her along that really add up, and I was glad to do it.